Hello, Mr. Schertzer. 1.  You wrote, "I assure you I take my relationship with my son very seriously; AND I let him watch TV...." In my post 17/05/2003_05:54:05 to this thread,  I recommended the book titled "The Plug-in Drug".  The full title of the book is, "The Plug-in Drug: Television, Computers, and Family life".  The author is named "Marie Winn".  The book's arguments address television's effects on family life and children's mental development. Let me know if you read it. Here's a quote from page x of the preface of "The Plug-in Drug", "The idea prevails, perhaps because of this book's negative title, that my answer to parent's problems with television is to promote its elimination altogether....I know that my most persuasive arguments will never make television go away, nor would I want it to.  I am not an enemy of the medium nor do I believe it is devoid of value. My aim, instead, is to promote a new way of thinking about TV.  I believe that if parents understand  the medium's power and look squarely at the ways it affects their children and their family life, they can begin taking the necessary steps to deal with it successfully.  To help parents and families with this difficult task is the purpose of this book." 2.  You wrote, "We are in contact with a number of parent support groups, and have friends with children." Great.  Your family lifestyle could encourage your children and their friends to do more than watch TV or play videogames together.  At least when they visit your home. 3.  You wrote, "My question was, who determines the outcome of the system? ... the needs of my child determine much of my behavior.  Though if I didn't have those learned behaviors neither one of us would be able to exist in the the current system." On page 358 of "Whispering In The Wind", the authors wrote, "Imagine the differences that would emerge in your marriage, primary emotional relationships, family, business or local community if suddenly the people involved could choose to experience guilt or not to experience guilt or shame or fear or...  Yeah, imagine that!" If your behaviors are just learned behaviors, then imagining yourself performing different behaviors might start you thinking differently about your child's needs and cries.  If your imagined behaviors are sociopathic, then you might have watched too much bad television or have seen too many nasty shoot-em ups.  Or maybe you like heavy metal music. Or maybe you're just suffering multiple stressors that need to  reduce in intensity. For all those cases, NLP can help you create more appropriate imaginings.  A method like the Core Transformation method might help you.  An Ericksonian hypnotherapist could help you.  Ms. Bostic St. Clair and Dr. Grinder could recommend New Code methods to you. Modern forms of stress-management might also help you. Your friends in the support group could help you. Or you could just plop your kid down in front of the TV - but you already do that. 4.  You wrote, "I'm only using my situation because it seems like a good way to test the rule we've been discussing here. " To test the suggestions that forum guests post to help you determine the outcome of your family system, you might behave like a fine parent, Mr. Schertzer.  -nj