Sabine, I realize that your posting was intended for John/Carmine. what you might consider getting a grasp on is that while mourning is certainly an appropriate state after a relationship has ended, when the mourning starts to RUN you rather than vice versa, then its probably time to LEARN state management. "letting the feelings flow" has often been a unresourcefull metaphor for letting your emotions run you rather than you running your emotions. learning state management at least GIVES you choice about the preferred emotions to  bring to a situation. Just a thought Jim R